Monday, March 24, 2008

I've been tagged AGAIN!!!!

What is it? Do I have a bullseye in the middle of my cyber forehead or what?! LOL! Beth(aka fxsmom) at Fragile What! has tagged me (again!) for a meme! She says this time I can't get out of it so I have to do it. DANG IT! :o)

  • Write your own 6 word memoir
  • Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you like
  • Link to the person who tagged you in your post
  • Tag 6 more blogs with links
  • Don't forget to leave a comment on the blogs you tagged inviting them to play along


"So many dreams, so little time!"


Amanda at Dreaming of the future
Nicki at Forever Young Family
Melissa at The Dixon Gang
Shea at The Faux Family
Jenna at For the Love of Baby!
Ruby at Incredible Shrinking Ruby

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Busy times

Well, in the last couple of weeks, we've been pretty busy. Jonathan saw Dr. Lanier (Ear, Nose & Throat) about the fluid that has been in his ears for so long. Dr. Lanier was very nice, he looked in his ears and sure enough there was still lots of fluid in there even with him taking Rinatan(decongestant) for over a month at that point. So he did an tympanagram to test how his ears were receiving sound (how well he can hear) and it was bad. Way worse than I expected it to be so he said tubes for sure. So we signed the paperwork and they said it would be 3-4 weeks before he had the surgery. The next day the surgery center called to set a date and she said they had a cancellation for that Thursday if we wanted it! EEEK! That was so fast but we figured, better to get it done asap than to have to wait and have him be miserable all that time! So he had tubes put in his ears that Thursday (2 weeks ago today) and has been doing much better. However he developed a strange cough this week that sounded horrible but not like it was in his chest or anything. Just sounded like he had something stuck in his throat and he was trying to clear his throat to get it out but it's was really LOUD! Poor guy! I got to thinking that maybe he had developed some asthma or allergies or something so I took him to the Dr. yesterday and sure enough he was wheezing bad so the dr put him on nebulizer treatments 4 times a day for the next week then 3 times a day for 2 more weeks and then down to 2 times a day. He did okay for his first one last night and for his second one this morning so that's good. He also had a skin infection on his nose so we had to get an antibiotic ointment for that. It already looks better after two applications yesterday!

Nathan is doing much better in school now that he is taking some medication for his ADHD. It has been a big help to him! He can actually focus long enough to finish something and for the first time all year he has finished all his work 4 of the 5 days of school last week! Yay!!!! They had a big easter egg hunt and he won a giant stuffed bunny from that. It's pretty cool!

David is still having a hard time with his anxiety and aggression. We are working on it behaviorally at home and then we are working with the psychiatrist on his medications to try to figure out what is going on. So far nothing has helped at all so we are trying something new this week and if that doesn't help then we will try something else. We go back in two weeks so we'll find out then what we are goign to do.

The kids are on Spring Break this week but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. They have been pretty well behaved for me most of the time. Unusual but that's ok. We are trying to get them out of the house and doing things as much as we can. We went to the park on Tuesday and tried to fly their new dragon kites that they got from Grandma but there really wasn't any wind, not enough to fly kites anyway. Too bad!

That's it for now! Have a happy day! OH! And here's some lolcatz for you!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

LOLCATS post of the day!

Nathan has been really into building forts lately and he has also been very anti girls so this one reminded me of him and David playing together. I always here Nathan say "no girls allowed in here!" and then David will say, "Yeah! No gurws awowd!" It's very cute!

And the rest are just ones that I think are hilarious! Enjoy!

Friday, March 14, 2008

I'm hooked and I blame FXSmom!!!!

So FXSmom posted a funny picture on her blog as an illustration of her two sons' relationship with each other. I thought it was so cute and funny that I had to check out the website and now I'm addicted! (Thanks a lot Beth! LOL) These things are too funny!!!! Here are a few, starting with the one from FXSmom! Then I think I will put a few others and then start posting new ones every few days. There are just too many to add all at once! LOL! OH YEAH! Here's the website...

Especially for Jason, Jamie, Noah, Adam & Katie!

Tagged again!!!!

So my lovely friend Nicki (love ya Nicki!), tagged me again! Here it is! (A little lightness after my rambling deep thoughts post seemed in order) :o)

10 Years ago...

Doug and I had been married for a whole 2 months. We were living in a very old, very small, one bedroom apartment in south Provo, UT and living in wedded bliss. I believe we were still in our honeymoon phase at this point! I think I had already gotten my first post-marriage job at Equity Title as the receptionist. I love it and really liked most everyone I worked with. It was a fun job, answering phones and various other duties. I really loved it and it came with benefits! I think Doug was still searching for a job, might have been working at Supersonic Car Wash at this point. That was a short lived job for him before he got hired at Hansen Vending and worked there delivering drinks and snacks and filling them vending machines with them. His arms got really buff really fast doing that! I was very fond of that little development! LOL! I believe Doug was going to school at night also, so we were pretty busy and just starting to meet some new people in our ward which consisted of young married couples in our apartment complex and the next one over. This is where we met the Parks as our next door neighbors and eventually the Cecils as well! We miss you guys!!!! Wasn't life simpler way back then?! Oh well! I never dreamed I'd be living back in my home town and I had never even heard of Fragile X at that time. Ignorance is bliss I guess! I was pregnant with David by that summer!

5 Things On My List To Do Today:
1. put on make up and do my hair
2. enjoy my last day of peace before spring break begins
3. Pay bills
4. Go grocery shopping
5. Get Easter basket stuff for the kids

Snacks I Enjoy...
I used to love the Hostess Crumb Coffee cakes but then I couldn't find them anymore. Then when we lived in AZ, I found them but they were made by Drake's. Then I couldn't find those anymore either. So I'm happy to say that Hostess has now started making them in the 100 Calorie packs! I get 3 little cakes for 100 calories and only 3 grams of fat! Perfect for my snack allotment with the Alli program! I also love King's Hawaiian Bread and I love Target's Market Pantry chocolate chip pecan petite cookies. All bad for me but that's what I love! I also really love Funyuns!

What Would I Do If I Were A Billionaire...
Build a custom home on a large piece of land that's not too far from civilization but far enough that we could have some animals, like maybe some ducks, horses, things like that! I would build it with a huge therapy room for David and Jonathan and I would build Nathan his own fantasy bedroom, reminiscent of the Extreme Makeover Home Edition rooms that they have done. Somethign really special just for Nathan! I would have a room for me to do all of my crafts, sewing, etc. A nice shop for Doug to do all of the projects he would love to do if he had the time and a place to do them.

Then I would donate a huge chunk of money to Fragile X research! I would put on an annual fund raiser event and hold some sort of small conference locally every other year, on the years that National Fragile X Foundation is not holding their international conference.

Other than that, I would try to find some way to repay my parents for all of their generousity over the years. They have done so much for us and I would love to be able to give some back.

3 of My Bad Habits:
1. clenching my jaw/grinding my teeth
2. picking at the dead skin on my lips
3. I am horribly forgetful and I keep forgetting to send pictures of the kids to my grandparents!

Places I Have Lived:
Visalia, CA
Provo, UT
American Fork, UT
Visalia, CA
Gilbert, AZ
Mesa, AZ
Visalia, CA

Last 5 Jobs I Have Had:
Invoicing and Billing for my dad
Receptionist at Associated Title
Policy Typist at Equity Title

5 Things People Don't Know About Me:
1. I intend to write a book one day for LDS families with children with disabilities
2. I am going back to school Fall 2008 see #5(probably 1 online class at a time)
3. I would rather speak in public than pray in public (ex: church)
4. I actually don't worry about Doug when he is working, not usually anyway.
5. I am planing to become a genetic counselor (like wonderful Louise Gane!)

Ok so that's it. Now I tag, my mom, Danika, Shea, FXSmom, Melissa Pace and Melissa Dixon!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Deep Thoughts

So I'm sitting here at my computer tonight and I find that I really feel the urge to write. Just to start writing things down. My thoughts and feelings right now. I'm feeling very contemplative at the moment about my life and my family and my hopes and dreams and all that I dreamt my life would be and how my life is and the things I hope and dreamed for my kids and how those things have changed.

People often say to me, "I don't know how you do it" when talking to me about Fragile X and David and Jonathan and Nathan too and then there's Doug and his career and all the many things that are in my life. As for David, he is my first, all I ever have known of what it is like to mother a child so I have never known any different that my life with him and the challenges and joys that have come with him. I have never known any other way to do things for my children than how I do them because I started with David. I did and do what has to be done because I am their mother and that's my job. I would like to say that any mother would do the same but i know that's not true. I do know that the Lord has tested me and pushed me to the very edge at times. There are times I have wondered why He gave me THESE children because I often feel inadequate to give them what they need but I know they are mine because they are meant to be. I adore them. They bring me joys that I never knew my heart could hold! Not only that but I adore Doug for being the husband and father that he is, for giving me the gift of these wonderful, challenging, beautiful children. I can honestly say that I don't know how I do any of this some days. Some days I want to lock myself in my room and cry for hours. Some days I feel so strong that I think I can conquer the world. Some days I just want to hold my babies and never let them go. It's not so different I don't think than any other parent in this world. I love my kids. They are my babies, no matter how old they are, no matter how big they get, no matter how hard it is to really hold them anymore, they are and will always be my babies.

I struggle. I cry. I smile. I laugh. I yell. I scream. I pound my fists into my pillows in rage and/or frustration. Sometimes all in the same day. Sometimes I think I just float through the day without really noticing anything.

My anxieties are increasing. Sometimes I am nervous to leave the house. Sometimes I can't actually do it. I can't explain it but it's there. I think the new meds are helping but I'm not sure yet. I just have to keep trying and see. The kids suffer too because of my anxieties sometimes. I hate that.

I don't worry about Doug at work as much as I always thought I would. I think 2 ride-alongs helped with that a lot. To see him in that role, is so strange. He is so different when he is working. He's still DOUG, he's still funny and fair and all of those things but he's so serious too. He is so professional in his work. I can see that his instincts are strong and he is extremely good at what he does. He seems to KNOW the truth even if he isn't getting it from a person at times when I was there I honestly would have probably believed some stuff but I would have been wrong. He is a huge asset to his department and his team. I am so proud of him for what he has accomplished and what he has overcome to get where he wants to be. I hope that he will continue in that strength. He inspires me.

David is struggling right now. It breaks my heart because I don't have a clue how to help him. He is so anxious and angry and agitated so much of the time and I just can't fix it. I wish there was a magic pill that when a person takes it, it just knows exactly what is wrong with you and becomes what you need it to be to fix you. I wish there was that magic pill for David. He was doing so well, so happy, making so much progress and then suddenly he went backwards! I hate these backwards trips! I hate to see him lose the progress he has worked so hard for! He works so hard for every simple thing in life the that rest of us take for granted and to see him regress just kills me. I want to wrap my arms around him and just make it better but that has never made it better for him. I want him to be happy again and to do the things he loves and enjoy those things. I want him to feel JOY! He deserves to feel those good, sweet feelings in his heart. He deserves the rewards for all of his hard, hard work. I can see in his eyes when he comes home from school that he is exhausted from working so hard to keep it all together and when he gets home he just collapses on the couch. He is so tired. I think if I had to work as hard as he does just to remain in control and lately he just can't seem to do it all day. He's so tired but he's been waking up a few hours after he's gone to sleep and seems to have a hard time getting back to sleep. I just worry so much for him and it hurts to see him so unhappy when we've seen him so happy so recently too!

Nathan is improving at school now that he's started taking some medicine for his attention issues. He has been finishing all his centers almost every day but he has lost some of the skills he had last trimester and that is frustrating. We are having to reteach him some of his sounds and letters and numbers. He is so eager to learn but he has a hard time at school. He is really fighting for some independence right now. Not only from mom and dad but also from David. He hates that David gets into his things and gets on his bed and stuff. He really wants to be in his own room. He says he wants to be where David can't hurt him anymore. It makes me so sad because I know he loves David but it's true that David pinches and hits him. Nathan isn't innocent by any stretch of the imagination. He has been known to frequently push David's buttons and then he gets upset when David does those things. He knows what will happen but he continues to push him. I still feel bad for him though. He fights back now which is not really what I want but at the same time it has taught David that the things he does actually hurt people. He hasn't fully made the connection yet though. I hope he does eventually but I'm not sure that he will. Nathan is so sweet to his brothers though. He is always trying to get David involved in playing with him and doing things. He loves Jonathan and is always dragging him all over the house. He gets him out of his crib, his exersaucer, his high chair, wherever and just takes him where he wants him to be. On the down side, when Jonathan wants to explore, he's got David and Nathan running after him and dragging him back to the same "boring" rug and toys! LOL! Poor baby! I worry that Nathan doesn't know that we are proud of him and that we love him! We tell him and we try to spend special time with just him and we try to help him understand that he is special in his ways that are different from the other boys. Sometimes I think he gets it and other times I think he suffers from a serious case of middle child syndrome! He is such a great little artist! He loves to draw and paint and color and build things and do all of those crafty things. He gets better and better all the time too! I love to see what he builds and draws each time. He is so creative. I think he must have gotten that from Grandma. I think it skipped me and went straight to him! He has all these ideas and he's so good at implementing them! I am amazed at the things he creates sometimes. His imagination is something I have never encountered before. It's amazing.

Jonathan is our entire family's joy these days! He brings smiles to every face in this house and all over town. People seem drawn to him like a magnet when we go out. He smiles and interacts and his eyes are just amazing! People are always coming over to talk to him and smile at him and they always say his eyes are just amazing! I know that myself but it's fun to see how magnetic his personality is already. I think that he is such a joy to all of us, partly because he has given us hope. He has given me hope at least. I now can see first hand that Fragile X doesn't have to be so scary and sad and frustrating! He looks at my face and copies me and he talks to me and he looks in my eyes and he reaches out for me. He WANTS me. I never felt that when David was a baby. (Aunt Mandy was his favorite, even over me!) Jonathan is obviously attached to people. He recognizes the voices of the people who are important in his life, even the ones he doesn't see as often, like Nana. If I put the phone to his ear when she is talking, he grins from ear to ear! He plays with his toys and he's so curious! He will tilt his head sideways to try to see better how something works or what it's doing or maybe just for a different view. I don't know but it's so fun to see his personality developing and growing. I have enjoyed him so much! Interestingly, I haven't had the worry that I experienced with David and with Nathan. With David he was my first so I felt scared and worried I was doing everything wrong. With Nathan I worried he was going to be "like David" somehow and I watched for every single milestone and then only celebrated them briefly when the came on time before worrying about the next one. With Jonathan, I was expecting him to be so much less social and alert and "normal" that I think I just enjoy seeing all the things he does. He amazes me! I love to see him smile when he sees David come close to him. He loves to grab David by the ears and give him a "hug". David always says "ow! That kinna hurt." but he smiles and goes back for more. And when Nathan is around him, Jonathan loves to play with him. He loves when nathan carries him which I can't figure out! Nathan's going to throw his back out before he's 7 years old but Jonathan just grins his irresistable grin and waits for Nathan to put him down so he can get right back to what he was doing! He loves exploring the house. Today he came into the office and dissasembled my shoe rack after shaking it and making it make noise first then he left that cause it was no fun anymore and then he moved around the room playing with and looking at different things. Finally he ended up right next to my chair on the floor and he grabbed a plastic bag and started crinkling it. I looked down at him and he just gave me this smile that seemed to say, "oh hi mom! I'm just sitting here totally innocent! I am not doing anything at all!" LOL! It was so cute! He loves sounds. He loves to make things make sounds and see what kind of sound things make in different places, on different surfaces, when banged against other things or dropped on the ground. He goes from the carpet to the wood to the tile and drops things over and over again just listening to the sounds they make. He rubs things on the walls, the furniture, the floor, etc. It's amazing to see his eyes light up when he finds a sound he likes and he does it over and over again. Adorable.

I love them all so much that sometimes I think my heart will burst! I worry about the future and I worry about now. And I know that I can handle all of these things but yet, sometimes I forget that and feel as if I will crumble under the weight of it all. I am so thankful for my husband who has supported me through my many endeavors and encourages me to be better every day. He has never once blamed me for Fragile X in our lives and that is a special thing for sure. We've seen so many families split apart because of those kinds of attitudes and I'm grateful that Doug never once thought of any of this that way. We've been in this together all along and he has taken the time to learn and process it all with me. He has seen how his personal experiences have been able to help others he has come in contact with at work and elsewhere. We both have seen how we can help others who are struggling with so much information and so much emotion when they are "new" to Fragile X. David had taught me things that I could never have learned in any other way than being his mother. I am blessed to have been given David and Nathan and Jonathan to teach and raise in this beautiful world. They are the greatest gift I could have ever received.

I'm sorry if this post is a little scattered. I was just spilling out my thoughts as they came. Someday I'd like to put these thoughts and ideas and feelings in some sort of order and write a book that might help others like me to get through all of this. Someday.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Happy Birthday Big Brother!!!!

Today is my big brother Mike's birthday!

Happy Birthday Mike!!!!!

I wish we were closer so that we could see you and do something fun but I know you'll have a great time with Melissa and Beckham anyway! I hope it was a great day! Here's a fun picture to take you back a ways! I think maybe we were dancing but I'm really not sure but it looks like we were having fun! I've always loved this picture! Happy Birthday again! I love you!

Sleepy Heads

One day last week, I was working on my computer, making a flyer to put up at COS for respite help, and I was also on the phone. Nathan came in and wanted something but I told him he needed to wait until I was done on the phone. I thought he left the room cause it was so quiet but when I turned around to go find him, he was fast asleep on the loveseat in the office!!! What a cutie! How peaceful they are when they sleep!

Then another day last week Doug woke up and came in to sit on the loveseat in our office and Swat (our cat for those who don't know) was sleeping there so Doug said, "You better move Swat. I'm gonna sit on ya." Swat just looked up at him and stayed put. So Doug sat down VERY close to Swat, hoping Swat would get the hint and leave but he obviously needed something more obvious! (Doug was covering his eyes cause he had a migraine.)